11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
