I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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