The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
