no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
