Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
