I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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