He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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