Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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