if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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