do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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