We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
