I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
