I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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