apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize