I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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