Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You took a bar mat shot.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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