I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
