i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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