thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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