At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
