I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
