You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
