It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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