Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
