I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
