can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
