Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
