Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
