I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize