i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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