sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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