you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
