I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize