I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize