Nicole vs. Life
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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