you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize