the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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