I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
