he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
