So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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