FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
