so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
