Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
