I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
