Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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