how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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