It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
