I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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