I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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