my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
