dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
