Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drunk is not a location!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
