I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
