Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
