Dude my mom stole all your condoms
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
