i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
