1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
