i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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