I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
