I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize