Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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