RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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