bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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