hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
