He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
