when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
