You just made me feel so damn special
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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