If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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