Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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