She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Mom said you looked used
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
