capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
