u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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